5 Things Every Black Woman Needs To Hear from their significant other.

 

20190216_133539_0000As a black woman in today’s society it’s hard for some to  acknowledge struggles that black women face in society and have faced for years. We are wives,  mothers, daughters, friends, and entrepreneurs, but yet i feel that we are not acknowledge enough by our people and by our men. We work, go to school, bear children, cook, pay the bills, contribute to household disaters, do the shopping. We are expected to do all this and perform to the highest standard in the bedroom. But there are rewards and incentives that should be implemented in order for us to continue to feel loke we matter, that we are needed and wanted. Everyone needs a little Positive descriptive acknowledgement(PDA). I learned of this through my early childhood education trainings. The term (PDA) or positive descriptive acknowledgment is basiclly praise we give children when they act on a positive interaction or behavior, it is used to build a child’s  confidence and to encourage more of the positive behavior. I believe adults need this also. Who wouldn’t want to hear praise in great detail? I know i would feel warm inside if someone acknowledged my good actions and qualities. To use PDA on a woman is Not just saying this,  “man babe that fried chicken was good” but describing the positive action or behavior “babe dinner was delicious i appreciate you taking the time to make this meal for the family”. Not only do you try this with your signifigant other, but try it on your friendly cashier at a local grocery store, your bubbly waitress at your favorite restaurant, even a helpful retail employee, i promise it does wonders. Take notes! Black women need to feel appreciated! Which brings me to number 1:

1. I appreciate you

From picking our kids up from school, to grocery shopping, doing laundry, cooking, making kids their lunch, making the husband his lunch, it is in us to nurture and take care of our family. When we do meet needs of our family and go far and beyond we just need a little something to show that the people we take care appreciates our acts of care and pure well being. So when a man comes home to a clean house, dinner, and some booty to end the night. It also helps to let your lady know “thank you babe” be specific on what your thankful for “thank you for cooking my favorite meal, thank you for cleaning the house, thank you for putting the kids to bed, i really appreciate everything you do for us”. Women need to hear this daily!!!!!!

2. You Are Loved

Women need to know and hear that we are sexy no matter if we have wide hips, big behind, or flat chest. We as women tend to pick our bodies apart and compare our bodies with other women’s body, i know i do, but when you have a man that loves your weight, stretchmarks, saggy breast, flabby arms, wide thighs and much more you realize that what society considers beautiful doesn’t matter because you have a man that thinks you are the most beautiful in his world, the beyonce to his jay- z , the jada to his will. When i have one of my days where i’m not feeling what i’m wearing, or i’m feeling down and  self confidence is low i hear this ” you are right for me, every part of you is beautiful,you are enough, you are my queen”. When i hear these words something inside me rises, my confidence goes from 0 to 100 and i feel confident in my own skin, not only do i know i’m sexy, but my significant other knows it too.

3. You Are Respected

Would you ever disrespect your mother by calling her a bitch? would you want a man or woman to call your daughter out of her name and abuse her? So why do we do it to other men and women? I have been called a bitch, and i have heard women being called bitches. The same women that you are calling a bitch is someone who contributes to this world. As women we need respect, we want respect, we demand respect. Respect is what we have earned, people respect all women/men no matter what decisions or experiences that women have gone through. When there is no respect shown, that can’t  be reciprocated. We have to set an example for the younger generation. We have to teach society that women carry a lot of power, a power that men alone cannot hold. Women, we also need to set boundaries for ourselves when it comes to us respecting ourselves and other women. When a man/person acknowledges that you have boundaries and expectations it leaves no room for disrespect. My favorite author and life coach inyanla vanzant stated ““We have such a rich culture and in that culture, there are roles and purposes and powers. And we live in a society now where women are commodities, where women are demeaned, diminished, demoralized in ways that we accommodate, And if we really understood who we are as feminine representations of the creator of the universe, some of the things that we experience in life — like crying when the unemployed boo boo leaves us , if we really understood who we are, we wouldn’t be so apt to let other people define us and confine us. We are out of order!”. Ladies we must respect ourselves, we must carry standards and believe in our morals in order to gain the respect that is deserved and necessary.

4. Its Okay

As women we are expected to be superwoman, work, school, raising our children, preparing meals, cleaning, laundry, picking up and dropping off,  hold down the house AND while the husband is away, still keeping our personal dreams alive, but at times it can become overwhelming mentally and physically. Some of us might be depressed, drained, and loose sight of our own happiness and what we want. When we hit a stump in the road and we feel like we are not incontrol, when it’s too much pressure, too much demanded tell her it’s okay, tell her she Dosen’t have to take it on by herself. Every great man needs a greater woman to stand next too. Becoming a team and keeping open communication supports the union and love between lovers.

I can’t do this without you

So many responsibilities are put on “The man of the castle”. Whether it’s his job,  bills, household repairs, men can’t do it all without a strong woman behind him. Just because men are deamed strong Dosent mean that they can’t feel or become overwhelmed. At times i belive that men can be just as sensitive as women. Men go through challenges, hardships, loss, and self doubt often. Men need a woman that’s going to listen, a woman who is loyal and honest, a woman that is going to give him the gut wrenching low down dirty trtuth.Men need to feel like they can trust their woman with everything. When a man feels secure and know that you are down for him with the utmost  loyalty, they will want you there hrough all lifes challenges. When he is down on his luck he will to his woman to pick him up, when he gets laid off his woman should do whatever is necessary to make sure the family is taken care of while her man looks for work. He shouldn’t have to carry the load in his own, he needs the live and support from his woman. When challenges and obstacles arise, women should hear “i can’t do this without you babe, i need you”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black Boy

 

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Credit: captain america civil war(2016)

Dear Black boy,

I can see your broken, i can feel that you had no one to guide you. Were you missing the man, the king known to be your father? did you hear his voice? did he put his masculine arms around you? did he tell you to stop crying when you fell? did he play ball with you? did he teach you about Malcolm X? Dr. King? Huey p. Newton? I have a feeling he didn’t, i can see you, a little black boy lost in a world full of racism, judgement, and discrimination. When i look at you i don’t see a grown man with facial hair. I don’t see height, or your broad shoulders, or your masculinty and a smile that can open the gates of heaven,  i see a boy, a scared boy, a boy who was forgotten, abused, unloved, and used.

I can tell he wasn’t there to talk to you about a queen, and as in queen i mean your mother, sister, aunt, cousin grandmother great grandmother,  the future mother of your children. He never told you what you needed, what you deserved, how, when, and where to love a woman. Did he talk to you about intimacy between a man and woman? did he teach you to protect yourself? did he teach you to be patient? follow her lead? did he teach you to never ever call a woman  a bitch or a whore? Naw, he didn’t. Now your a boy who has fathered children with women who hold no self-worth. You can barely teach your sons and daughters how to survive, how to  rightfully demand respect from society and the opposite sex, let alone how to have respect for themselves.

Did he teach you to ride a bike? count change? open a bank account? Did he encourage you to study hard? find a job and help your mother with household responsibilities? did he teach you how to tie your shoe or fight for your life when you were getting bullied? did he encourage you to read the bible? hold the door open for women? attend sunday service? Did he sign you up for sports? did he attend your games? was he cheering you on? did he help you study? did he teach you the words of langston hughes, Gil scott Heron, and james baldwin? did he teach you about your people? your ancestors who were brought here on ships, sold into slavery? Did he tell you what they died for? what they fought for?  did he teach you how to drive? Did he teach you to say “yes ma’m and and sir? did he teach you how to tie a tie? Did he hug you? Did he pick you up after a heartbreak? did he listen to your hopes and dreams? but most importantly, did he teach you to comply with the law? No, he didn’t because your jobless, uneducated, lack motivation, scared of you you are and what you might become can become. No, black boy, you’re robbing and stealing,and grinding, for a ticket to sit on that pedestal so you can shout from the top beating on your chest “SEE ME! I’M RIGHT HERE!  No black boy, your laying up making children, not married, cussin women, degrading women, the same woman you came from, THE BLACK WOMAN!

Oh, black boy i’m sorry that your father left you stranded to figure it all out on your own,  i’m sorry black boy that he left you for his own selfish reasons, and now you’re another statistic, a disgrace, another “black man of the system”. I feel for you black boy, but i can also heal with you, carry you, support your goals, listen to your worries, your fears, share your responsibilities, i will help you build our empire.

Black boy ,a wise man once said “Father” only means that you’re taking care of your children that’s what it is to be a father. “Father” doesn’t mean that you’re havin’ some babies. Anybody can have a baby. Havin’ a baby does not make you father. Anybody can go out and get a woman. But not anybody can take care of that woman. There’s another word for it: It’s called ‘responsibility.”    -Malcolm X

What you need to hear black boy is never kneel, look up and Stand, you are a king”.