Why Friendships With Black Women Are Important

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credit: Insecure/www.giphy.com

We all have that ride or die girlfriend who we can call after a one night stand, a break-up, and when we want to get revenge on our ex’s.  We share our most intimate details of how we get down in the bedroom, and what their lover is lacking in the bedroom. We call to talk about shitty co-workers, shitty boyfriends, big dicks, little dicks, and so much more. But nowadays its very rare to find that one girl friend who you can trust and one that will ride or die for you. For me personally it’s hard to build friendships with some black women Everything in this moment in time is about competition, who has the best closure, the best job, more followers on Instagram. I have witnessed black women look at other black with so much hate and distain as they walk past each other.” look at her she think she all dat with them fake ass lashes” “Girrrrl you need to see this bitch walking up in here like she Beyoncé, she is not cute”.


I admit I have said some of these things and I have heard them to but I had to step back and look at myself and figure out what I didn’t like about myself and what was missing with in me. Why hate on another black woman who is doing her thing? Why not compliment a sista when she looks bad as hell in a dress or pantsuit? just tell her, when you see she is taking care of her business and running her own shit, tell her, when that closure is sewed in tight and the contour is on point TELL HER!!! . We as women have to be secure in our own world and in our own bodies. I’m curious to see how black women in slavery days got along with one another. I would assume they took care of each other because they were all fighting for the same purpose. As woman we also have the right to have other women in our lives to help with emotional and mental stressors. Issa rae from the hit show “Insecure” shared why friendships with between black woman are important . In her interview with  essence magazine she stated “I think for such a long time, I just was not seeing great black female friendships on television. It was constantly about tearing one another down or throwing shade. There are elements of that, but for the most part, black women are essential to my life.” (essence magazine April 2017)


What happened to tight friendships that were represented on the hit Show “Girlfriends”? “living single”? hell, even my favorite “The Golden Girls”? why is it so hard to connect? What are we showing the younger generation about black women and friendships? let alone relationships in general? Why is it so hard to initiate friendships with women as we get older? We still have the same friends we had and elementary, middle school and high school and that’s great. But what happens when friends grow apart because of life circumstances? a new baby, marriage, busy work schedule, a busy school schedule? why can’t we ignite new friendships? how can we connect?  how can we meet new sista friends without coming into it with so much negativity and apprehension.


It starts with realizing that as black women we already face many adversities. As black women we are not able to enjoy casual sex without us being called a whore. The job market in some ways are still male dominated.  Black women need to unify, we would come out much better if and much stronger if we participate and make a joint effort. We must not hate on our sistas, we cannot divide, we can’t disconnect. When you spot a single mother who is carrying a baby in one hand and grocery bags in the other, help her, compliment her on what a wonderful job she is doing and strong she must be. If you see a black woman with her own business in your community support her.  So the next time you see a black woman doing her thing, looking good, and holding her head high don’t take it as she is conceited or cocky, but confident. Compliment her, help her become the best woman she can be.  If you’re accepting a compliment give thanks and appreciate the sincerity.  The less hate, the more love we can give to ourselves and to each other.


The Visit


African American Depressive Sad Broken Heart Concept
credit: madamnoire.com

I woke up this morning, and I was feeling sadness. still recovering from the Friday work day, I knew I had to start my day eventually. Jenny Craig awaits me. I get up, use the bathroom. brush my teeth, wash my face, I feel like I’m going through the motions. This is my everyday routine. I get dressed and walk out of the door. I’m hoping for weight loss this week, I think I have done pretty good this week considering the internal battle that I have with my body and mind. There is no weight loss (sigh) what a surprise. I go over my plan for the week with my consultant, nods, yeses, okay’s, menu then I’m out the door. My brain says “ces you got this, don’t let this thing take ahold of you, you now what you need to do for next week. I go to the grocery store to get my fruits and veggies still going through the motions but I’m feeling uneasy, she is visiting again. Her and I haven’t talked for about 2 years. She had been on my mind for the past two weeks.

While I think of her I look over the fruit, this store never has the type of fruit I like. I pick up some oranges, bananas, and granny smith apples keeping in my mind that I need this weight loss next week. I get other items I need and head to the check out line. The cashier looks tired and restless like me. I pay for my things and walk out of the store sliding doors, damn I can’t stop thinking about her. The drive home was nothing short of a sunken place. Too much silence and things that are going through my mind that I want to say out loud but I think to myself again “girl it don’t matter if you say it out loud it won’t change anything”. I arrived home, put my “diet food” in the freezer picking out my breakfast for the day, still going through the motions, focusing on my breath and my surroundings. I put pumpkin loaf in the microwave for 30 seconds. I  put my fruits and veggies away. I think about my day and if I’m going to see her again later. I change back into my dress I put on the night before and check on my loaf. It’s ready, finally, I’m famished. I grab my chocolate shake, banana, and pumpkin loaf and return to my room. Eating in silence is so awkward, I think about her while I finish my nutritious breakfast. I finish,  put my cover over m head and close my eyes. I got up at 6:30 am on a Saturday, hell, I’m going back to sleep, maybe if I sleep I can make the thoughts of her go away. Sleep was pleasurable but once my eyes opened I heard her. I got chills, I was anxious, I was afraid. I sat up took a deep breath nd closed my eyes. “go away, go away, I don’t want to be bothered with your madness today”.

I put the blanket back over my head and close my eyes, it was already too late, she had found me. Water fell from my eyes and I couldn’t contain it. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I stood there, hair disheveled, body limp and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Flashes of memories started to haunt me. The operating table, the doctor, the nurse, the room, the pain, I wish I had one so bad, I could smell the scent of my unborn child. “what the fuck cecilie? i thought we were pass this, here we go again with the should’ve and could’ve”, what’s done is done, no sense in crying now .” I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes red and puffy. Relieved my eyebrows are perfect and not affected by the water works. ” Okay ces, convince yourself your happy, your married to a great man, you have a job, your not struggling, you want for nothing, you can easily have now and not have a child, go in there and jump on him now”. It’s funny how your thought can be just that, a thought, I could not do it in reality, I couldn’t forget it just like that. I wiped my tears looked at myself again, she left, that wasn’t pleasant, shit, when is it ever pleasant when she comes? ugh. I rinsed my face.

I walked out of the restroom got back into my bed, next to my husband, I smiled, I reached for my phone, it’s 2:00 pm. I Guess I will perform my wifely duties folding clothes, vacuum, maybe enjoy some Netflix. This was my life, This is what most of my weekends looked like. Sad isn’t it? How could I be the most unhappiest happiest person? what I did still haunts me, i’m drained emotionally. I go through life with  just the routine. It’s starting to consume me. Today was the day, I was reminded of what I did I’m 2008 that changed my life forever………..