At this point in my life i focused on getting mentally better and becoming spiritually stronger. I was anxious about rachel’s vineyard but i knew that it was what i needed to heal. Being in a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind, i really just wanted to be alone, i wanted to figure out what kind of woman i was going to become after the storm dissipated. My aunt invited me to take a trip to New York city. My anxiety screamed hell no, but my gut told me to go for it. I had never been out of northern california, i had never been on a plane, Shocking right? but i thought what else can i lose? So in 2009 at the end of summer i took my first trip to New York. I enjoyed the trip, it was fun aside from the rude new york people. I was ok, i had no panic attacks, no depression, i was actually able to enjoy my surroundings. Before my new york trip i met a guy on myspace, Did you hear me? myspace, yes, myspace. He seemed really nice so i thought what would be the harm in just talking platonically. We exchanged numbers and we started to talk daily. We even talked while i was discovering new york. This guy was different, he sure in the hell wasn’t andre. He listened and he was consistent. I really liked him. I knew that i had to have “the talk” with him when i returned from new york but that that moment i enjoyed manhattan and harlem. I saw so many people and seen so many beautiful things my senses were occupied with something other than nervousness and fear. I had so many thoughts running through my head about this guy, Would he think that i’m weak? would he think that i’m crazy? is he going to accept my skeletons if we get serious?
When i returned to california i came back a new person. I looked at life differently. Even though i was only in new york for four days i felt free, i felt liberated. I was confident and the anxiety and depression not once visited. The day that i returned home i agreed to meet this guy in person. We met at a bart station and he rode the train home with me. He was handsome, sweet caring, and very patient. We talked the whole train ride, it was something about him that put me at ease, i was able to be my new self around him. We continued to talk after our first encounter. We went on dates but i knew that i had to tell him the truth before we went any further.
I was nervous and thought the worst before i told him, but if we were going to get serious he needed to know my truth. One night while we had one of our intellectual conversations i told him. His reaction surprised me. He didn’t judge, he did not criticize, he just listened. From there we went on romantic dates, he would bring me flowers, we would talk and laugh and enjoy eachothers company. I knew he was the one because he watched one of my favorite romantic movies “The notebook”, i don’t think any other guy would have taken a chance. As months went by we grew close, we were connected at the hip, wherever he was, i was. He had turned into my best friend and my man.
As i continued to heal and overcome my depression, i started to feel normal again, i figured the prozac was starting and already had taken its course, working through my bloodstream and making its way to my unbalanced brain. As i started to feel normal i received a call from christine, she let me know that there would be a post abortion retreat and that it would be beneficial if i attended. She gave me details about the retreat and what things were going to take place for my healing, i agreed, but i feared that the new man that was courting me wasn’t going to take to it…………….