We all have that ride or die girlfriend who we can call after a one night stand, a break-up, and when we want to get revenge on our ex’s. We share our most intimate details of how we get down in the bedroom, and what their lover is lacking in the bedroom. We call to talk about shitty co-workers, shitty boyfriends, big dicks, little dicks, and so much more. But nowadays its very rare to find that one girl friend who you can trust and one that will ride or die for you. For me personally it’s hard to build friendships with some black women Everything in this moment in time is about competition, who has the best closure, the best job, more followers on Instagram. I have witnessed black women look at other black with so much hate and distain as they walk past each other.” look at her she think she all dat with them fake ass lashes” “Girrrrl you need to see this bitch walking up in here like she Beyoncé, she is not cute”.
I admit I have said some of these things and I have heard them to but I had to step back and look at myself and figure out what I didn’t like about myself and what was missing with in me. Why hate on another black woman who is doing her thing? Why not compliment a sista when she looks bad as hell in a dress or pantsuit? just tell her, when you see she is taking care of her business and running her own shit, tell her, when that closure is sewed in tight and the contour is on point TELL HER!!! . We as women have to be secure in our own world and in our own bodies. I’m curious to see how black women in slavery days got along with one another. I would assume they took care of each other because they were all fighting for the same purpose. As woman we also have the right to have other women in our lives to help with emotional and mental stressors. Issa rae from the hit show “Insecure” shared why friendships with between black woman are important . In her interview with essence magazine she stated “I think for such a long time, I just was not seeing great black female friendships on television. It was constantly about tearing one another down or throwing shade. There are elements of that, but for the most part, black women are essential to my life.” (essence magazine April 2017)
What happened to tight friendships that were represented on the hit Show “Girlfriends”? “living single”? hell, even my favorite “The Golden Girls”? why is it so hard to connect? What are we showing the younger generation about black women and friendships? let alone relationships in general? Why is it so hard to initiate friendships with women as we get older? We still have the same friends we had and elementary, middle school and high school and that’s great. But what happens when friends grow apart because of life circumstances? a new baby, marriage, busy work schedule, a busy school schedule? why can’t we ignite new friendships? how can we connect? how can we meet new sista friends without coming into it with so much negativity and apprehension.
It starts with realizing that as black women we already face many adversities. As black women we are not able to enjoy casual sex without us being called a whore. The job market in some ways are still male dominated. Black women need to unify, we would come out much better if and much stronger if we participate and make a joint effort. We must not hate on our sistas, we cannot divide, we can’t disconnect. When you spot a single mother who is carrying a baby in one hand and grocery bags in the other, help her, compliment her on what a wonderful job she is doing and strong she must be. If you see a black woman with her own business in your community support her. So the next time you see a black woman doing her thing, looking good, and holding her head high don’t take it as she is conceited or cocky, but confident. Compliment her, help her become the best woman she can be. If you’re accepting a compliment give thanks and appreciate the sincerity. The less hate, the more love we can give to ourselves and to each other.